calory

I can't sleep. 

It's 4am on a Tuesday morning, and the Scandinavian sun is already brightening the skies. 

Beside me lies my beautiful daughter, and on the floor on a mattress lies my man. Back problems from the bed. Understandable, yet slightly tragic, especially considering that we've had issues with being intimate for a long time now. 

My head is spinning. Thought after thought is flooding through my mind, creating this insomnia. I can't help but fantasizing about what's out there. 

Wondering what we have been reduced to. 

I feel safe and secure in this relationship, yet I don't want to imagine a life without those butterflies in my stomach. The ones that comes with first time sparks. 

I feel confused. 

Here I am, trying to squeeze myself into a societal norm. Not for myself - but in respect of my man. For my family. For the amazing team we actually are, even though my chest longs for excitement and butterflies. 

For some things, it's worth compromising oneself, I guess. We all have to decide what's important to us. 

These butterflies will keep coming and going, but my family will always be there. So here I am. Allowing myself to feel my feelings & fantasize, but containing my butterflies. Feeling conflicted.

Because in the end

Our hearts are wild things. 

That's why our ribs are cages ..