calory

I don't know how it's possible, but I feel like a  very cynical, nihilistic & positive person, all at the same time.

I feel like the world is hopeless, that humanity is cruel beyond comprehension, & that everything is pretty meaningless. I think that life is something that's forced upon us, & that intelligent consciousness really is soul-twisting curse. How else can we understand what goes around us, and not be absolutely terrified? We don't want to suffer, and we still want to live - but there is no life without suffering. It all feels like a endless cycle of doom, until humanity wipes itself out. Our stupidity is winning our battles. And the apocalypse will be a slow, horrific death beyond our comprehension. I don't want to live.

AT THE SAME TIME

I am happier right now, than I've ever been. Truly content with the simplicity of my current life. I've learnt the importance of accepting things, in order to make life tolerable. I try to stay focused on the good stuff. In the small, everyday things that makes us feel happy. To highlight them, and feel stupidly happy for the smallest of chance. In finding peace not caring so damn deeply about every single thing, that's out of my hands anyway. 

This is what keeps me going through it all. To not focus so much on the ways of life we are expected to take, but rather to create my own road. Realising that we don't need everything that we are taught to need. Realising that we don't need to follow the paths that's been carved out for us, if we don't want to. Doing my own thing.

In the big whole - everything is pretty pointless anyway. I believe we create our own meaning, and we subconsciously choose what we deem meaningful.

Things like destiny and meaning of life is something, I believe, we create for ourselves, in our minds. What it is, differs from person to person  We make what's important to us into our own life's meaning. But outside of ourselves, it ceases to exist. In the realm of physics, our minds doesn't exist. How the spiritual realm exists, is still a mystery. You basically don't really matter, in the big whole. Which is both a blessing and a curse.

So in the end, life and consciousness is still a curse forced upon us at birth, but while we're here, we might as well try to do the best out of it. Making this damn curse a little bit easier to live through, and even find beauty in it. Because we're stuck anyway. Not like we had a choice. Life is cruel.

Am I making any sense? I don't know. Expressing feelings is not always an easy feat - but it won't stop me from trying.

Point is, life is cruel but we have no other choice than doing the most of it. So realize your limited time on earth, and just try your best to enjoy the ride 🖤