calory

I've been freed from that new job that's been killing me lately. A stone has been lifted from my chest. Not because the place in itself was bad, but because I didn't belong in that type of environment. In that pace of life. 

I stumbled into this whole circus just thinking I'd be cooking, and got slapped in the face with the position of catering manager, with one week's notice. Completely unprepared, I did my best, but still didn't meet up to expectations. Too much of a team member, than a leader. And that's okay too.

But... Why did I stay even though I clearly wasn't happy? 

I guess just didn't want to give up too fast. I wanted to give it some time beyond first impression. I wanted to see what I could learn. Give it a serious chance instead of just labeling it "not my style" and tossing it away. Although, I'm sure that my unhappiness must've been shining through, as my soul died a little bit more every day

I lost my will to do anything else than laying in bed. I lost motivation for things that used to inspire me. Being reminded everyday of the way civilization has evolved, to usurp mother earth, was very hurtful. My soul felt out of place, suddenly being part of it.

What matters the most is that I tried. I learnt a lot from these 3 months in the normal office world. Lessons that will still be valuable for the rest of my life. I also learnt that I'm better off being on the outskirts of society, living my simple ways far far away from laptops and a digitalised reality. Away from the 'normal' of today, which is partly destroying our planet. 

I think closed doors are something we should be grateful for. They protect us from things not meant for us. Even though it brought me mostly down, I am still very grateful for being given the chance to try something new. And for the universe finally freeing me from somewhere I don't belong. 

At last, I can be on the way to my creative and peaceful self again. Exhale this stress & replenish with that inner calm early 2020 showed me. Focus on being the happiest me, in preparation for the wild adventures that soon will come our way.