Challenge accepted??

Wow


3 heartbreaks this year? Really life, is that all you've got? Wanna see if you can manage another one before this year is over? Let's go. Show me that nothing matters anymore


My curse

I wonder why my stomach hurts so much. 

Is it all of the alcohol I've been marinating myself with the last 7 years? Is it the stress of knowing that I can't disappear without hurting the people who cares? Being forced to stay alive and suffer each day? Could it be the notion of slowly fading away from my lovers sight? The emotional starvation of sleeping next to someone you can't touch? The pain in my chest that makes my whole soul shudder down to it's bare knees and burst through my cheeks and my eyes?

Having feelings may be a gift, but I'm starting to doubt whether the good ones really outweights the heavy ones. Having too much feelings towards any direction whatsoever, is my curse.


One side of the narrow mind of scandies


It might just be me, but I noticed a pretty big social difference while in Sweden. The meeting of people, especially strangers, seems to be more focused on dating and/or sex, there's more backthought between each planned encounter than it seems to be in the Mediterranean. Down here, a bigger percentage of people meet up without reason really, guy plus girl does not automatically mean date, which of course doesn't include all of the cases in Sweden, but from my experiences.... the general. I don't know. I might be wrong. Just random thoughts on the airplane.


Ouch

Skriv inläggstext 


Mdina medieval festival

Kings and queens and knights and whole roasted wild hog. It's that time of the year again!
 
 
 
 
 

Aching. Aching so much

I feel severely heartbroken.

 

Life feels like a mess with the changing of flat, the uncertainty of it, emotions sprouting to all wrong directions, separation anxiety, my heart is aching violently, mind going crazy and wishing that I never had any feelings whatsoever. Life on the bipolar side sure is hard from time to time. Breathe

 

 

Happy Easter!

Somehow, even though I work with catering, I never really know anything about Easter. When? What? Why? For me, it's just another excuse for the days to get extra busy at work.
 
So now when I happen to be in my hometown Hällefors, it was just perfect to enjoy a traditional Easter buffe at my old foster family home. All of my 'step siblings', or whatever it's actually called, have 2-3 children each, and that's a lot of energy going on around... I was slightly awkward in the midst of the running around, playing, crying, but I guess things fell more naturally after a while (and 2 shots of rum). It was pretty heartwarming somehow. Even though we're not physically connected, I really felt like a part of the family again. I'm so lucky to be part of them.
 
So, down to some of the traditional easter food we've got in my part of Sweden
 
  • Egg halves with with crème fraîche, dill and caviar
  • Different types of pickled herring
  • Cured salmon with heartberries 
  • Smoked (?) deer wih capers (slightly red inside, my meat favourite)
  • Potato salad with cornichons
  • Boiled dill potatoes. More potatoes.
  • Smoked fish
  • Christmas ham (haha wtf) and strong mustard
  • Salami & sausages
  • Meatballs & smoked whatever-animal-it-was
  • Janssons (potato gratin with anchovies)
  • Assorted cheeses and crisp bread
 
....and the list goes on forever. This varies of course a lot from family to family, but you get the idea. Even though I would rather be drinking beer in my bikini and dance for hours, this felt good. It felt good to meet everyone again. It felt good to be part of a huge family. It was also one of the best food experiences so far this year. And tomorrow, I'll be back to munch on the leftovers of today <3 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Contrasts

Having a sudden pit stop in Sweden to renew my passport. Apparently, my dear boyfriend and his bestie got us kicked out from our flat in Malta for being noisy. Good job (y). If one gets kicked out from one flat, maybe laying low should be a wise idea no? Apparently not.
 
So, as soon as I get my new passport, I'll fly home to sort things out. Economically a shiet timing since I'm out traveling. On the other hand, everyone's bombarding me with paradise photos of the Malta weather, so it'll be really nice to exchange theese snow storms in Sweden for Maltese sun....
 
where would you rather be?
 
 
 

Blue

Got nothing special to say really.... Kind of blue lately. Got a lot on my mind. Need some rest......
 
 

Monkey business

Today has been a perfectly 'lagom' day. Woke up at 7:30 for the breakfast buffet which consisted of a spicy thai herb stew with chicken, fried pumpkin, sunny side up eggs and endless amounts of pineapples (!!!!). Rather filling for being a breakfast, but in my eyes waaaay better than toast and jam (They never got cheese here in Thailand... what's the point of toast then...). As usual, I got greedy and ate for both bfast and lunch, then downed two cups of black coffee and spent the next 4 hours in my hotel room, in pain. How come I never learn......
 
Anyway, agony past, we went on with our hired mopeds. I've never thought about visiting this area before, I just tagged along now to have a look at my mum's property. Prachuap Kiri Khan. It's pretty! And very tourist-free. I mean, there is some tourism going on, but at least now, not really. The area consists of three bay's, and in the middle one there a looong pier that goes out right in the middle.... Spectacular to be there at night with all the lights forming artwork far away. Found a hidden gem, really.
 
One of the few things there is to do here is apparently feeding monkeys. You see, there is a tiny mountain in the middle of the town where you can walk up some looong stairs to a small temple. Yep. That's where them monkeys live. And they are thousands, everywhere, snatching anything close to food you might carry. I tried to stay as far away from them as I could, but got peed on anyway..... dang
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Inspiration, please stay

As I was listening to the sound of waves and scrolling on the web in my hotel room in Prachuap, I got the totally sudden urge to draw. Idea after idea popped into my head, and I hurried to sketch down as many as possible. Daughter, The deer tracks, Death cab for cutie and The postal service made it all go smoother through the process. After this many years of creative absence, can you believe it?! I finally drew again! Should I go fetch a piano aswell, while it lasts??
 
I'm not sure what I may have scrolled past that triggered it, but I'm sure as hell happy for whatever. I've been trying to be creative for years, but nothing felt natural anymore. I got stuck. I sure hope I can hold onto this creative little wave for a while now. 
 
 
 
 

In the back of a pick up

Hey guys! If you just knew what I've been watching for the last 3 hours....

We started the day by driving to the orchid and butterfly farm at Mae Rim area. Perfect place to snap pretty photos, and yes, pretty much all of them flowers matched my hair :) Continued to a small stream with benches and had a few beers before we started the 5h long drive from Chiangmai mai to Phrae.

I have to say, my favourite way of travel must be like this, in the back of a pick up, wind in my hair, and after watching the sun set, thousands of stars shining right at me. The feeling of freedom is insane, especially while roadtripping for this many hours. Occasionally, I did get paranoid thoughts of road bandits, but yeah... Huge waste of life to be afraid of everything ey.

If you ever get the chance, try travel in the back of a pick up, uncomfortably and bumpy. And make sure you drive while the sun's setting <3

 
 
 
 

Thailand and away

Oh hai. Was a while ago, wasn't it? While I'm back home in Malta, my life consists of work and partying only. Literally. However, I'm now out on the road again, so you can expect a few more posts every now and then!
 
So, this time, the journey starts in Thailand. While I'm usually a solo traveler, I'm having my partner with me for the first two weeks this time. It's a nice change. Having someone to share meals and chat with through everything feels nice. Two is a nice number for travels. I'll be alone soon though.. One week left before he's going back home.
 
First, we spent 24 hours in BKK. 20 of them just.... eating. The street food sure is amazing in this city. Another not so amazing thing is the amounts of huge rats on the streets at night. We had to flee to the airport earlier than expected.... 
 
 
 
 
 
Arrived to the airport in time, just to realize that we screwed up our time zones and booked wrong dates for our flight to Vietnam. Pretty exhausted, we had a few beers, said fuck it, and took the next flight down south. Oh hello comfortable island life!
 
Koh Phangan was... Well. Island life and buckets can't go wrong, can it? We spent 6 nights driving around on scooters, heaving beer, eat not-very-interesting-but-tasty food and swimming in blue waters. A usual paradise stay in our favorite Thai island. We even spent some time with my foster parents and had scooter adventures with my polish fox who happened to be in the area <3 The standard holiday was good. But it was time to get out of the comfort zone now.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Next stop: Chiang Rai! 
The first thing noticed about north was the temperature. Oh so cool! A very nice change from the pungent sweats of south. We found us a tuktuk driver who took us around for 5 hours(?!). First stop just had to be Black house. Walking around animal bones and black, rather vicious-looking temples, this place gave us an occult shiver during the whole stay. Super cool, and super creepy.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And of course..... Who can visit Chiang Rai without going to White temple? Incredible piece of art. And all them small mirror pieces stuck in every single centimeter of he whole palace?? Holy crap. Words can't describe the beauty of it. Just go. And bring the anti-tourist spray if you ever want to get a picture of it alone.
 
 
 
 
 
Aaahhhhh......... Singha factory next. This was one of the highlights of the whole trip so far. Sipping draft Singha while gazing out over hectares of tea plantages and pointy mountains.. Could easily spend a whole day here. Singha definetely tastes best by draft. I think I need to install one when I get home. 
 
 
 
 
On our way back, we had a random stop at a local food market to sample weird stuff to eat. And sure we did. And yes, we're still alive...... 
 
Thanks for making it this far. I normally don't write long posts like this, but it's been hard to find regular spots for updates. Hoping to divide them more in the future :) 
 
 
 
 

The loss of whatever talents there was

I think I'm losing my talents. I used to be so good at drawing, dancing, instruments, but now, in the abscence of practice, I feel like theese things are withering away. Sure, I'm refining my cooking skills 300% by doing it for a living, but sometimes, I can't help to feel that I would gladly exchange a few percent of those to, mostly, drawing. God, I know this is just another thing in life one's gotta cope with, but I can't help myself to get stuck and whine every now and then.

So, today, I tried to draw again. I lost the flow. Nothing that came out from the pen felt natural anymore. Either this is a 'paus', or it's never coming back again. I've got masterpieces stuck in my head, but not the skills to portrait them correctly. Artistically speaking, it's difficult to stay positive when nothing feels right.




30 Dec 2017

Irony. It's a beautiful Friday, I'm off from work, and the sun is warming my skin through the window. The skies are clearly blue, but so am I. Why the polar opposites? Why can't I find motivation to go out and enjoy this perfect day? I'm even off work, on a Friday! (Which is rare). The only tunes I can bring myself to hear is Daughters pained sounds. They ache in rythm with my heartbeats.


Sigh... the dark force is clearly strong in this one... I would love these feelings to go from my fingers, through a pen and onto a paper, but it feels like I've long lost the ability to draw. Why this.....why so heavy and blue.....why anything.... breathe



<center>Calory Creations</center>

Tany

Tanu here. Thai by blood, born/raised in Sweden, and is for the moment located in Malta. This blog is focused on my drawings, traveling and foods which I'd like to share with like-minded, or just the curious. Welcome!
RSS 2.0