Okej. Nu sitter jag har, ungefar 900km ifran Phuket och kanner hjartat laka mer och mer. Jag har suttit pa en buss mellan Phuket-BKK och vandats konstant over annu en av manga crushes. De jagar mig hela javla tiden, och den har gangen fangade de mig pa kroken. Ganska rejalt. I Phuket; Patong av alla javla stallen.

Men vanta lite, har du inte pojkvan Tanya? Kara lilla du. Det har jag. Men den karleken (ingick fur helvede ett forhallande!!) haller sig kvar istallet for att intensivt dyka upp och lika dramatiskt forsvinna. Det ar det som ar speciellt med min lilla sota Jakob. Min crush for honom ar langvarig, och jag alskar honom av hela mitt hjarta aven under mina knasiga kanslostormar. Crushen ifran Patong tog mig med storm, och kommer antagilgen forsvinna innan jag ens sitter pa flygplanet ikvall. Men det kandes konstigt nog... BRA att bli lite kar pa nytt. Som en liten krydda i vardagen. Jag menar, jag raggar inte runt bara for att jag rakar bli kar i allt jag ser. Jag gick bara omkring och fantiserade som en blyg tonarstjej, som bara en mysig babycat som jag kan gora.

Men jovisst later det hemskt. Kan man verkligen alska en person under tiden man tillfalligt alskar andra? Ar inte definitionen av karlek monogami, man ska bara ha ogonen for varann osv? I min varld, svar nej.

Vi drar ett exempel: Tank er lite som att ha en crush pa en filmstjarna. Man glor pa filmer, bilder, allt personen medverkar i, och blir riktigt betuttad. Sadar att det kanns i magen, men man vet att det aldrig ar ouppnaeligt/anstandigt. Sa dar sitter man och tanker ''Se men inte rora. Kan du, Narma dig inte ens, for du kommer falla handlost och det vill du inte, for det ar da problemen kommer. Karleksangesten. Du har en trygg partner du alskar; Det har ar ett tillfalligt fling din hjarna kryddar livet med, sa titta, fantisera och drom du pa bara. Inga forhoppningar om nagot annat - Njut bara av den otroliga gavan att kunna alska, tillfalligt som langvarigt.''

Formagan att alska ar utan tvekan min storsta lycka i livet. Jag ar kar i mina vanner, kar i livet, kar i omgivningen nar jag promenerar till jobbet och framfor allt annat; Jag ar kar i karleken. Visst ar det javligt angestladdat ibland, men man behover ma riktigt daligt for att uppskatta vissa saker till fullo. Sad but true

Sa, helt enkelt. I love and loved you all

Rested until 3pm, then met up with some friends from Malta/Sweden at Mbk where we spent daytime with food court, shopping and purikura! Got out really late, so I don't have so much to talk about this day. But I do have pictures :)

You might think I'm hanging around in Mbk a bit too often. Maybe. I've mostly been hanging around Khao San, MBK and Soi 11 theese last 3 days I've been here. And tomorrow, I'll go on a absolutely spontaneous trip by train to north, Chiang Mai!

Aloha. Just got back from Khao San area, and I'm all dizzy and don't feel too well at all even though I've been sitting down for the last 40minutes. I'm not sure, but I seriously think I'm high on nutrition. We went for a lunch at Khao San around 3pm, a spicy one, and then I never stopped eating... I'm not joking. After the meal which consisted of a wok with fish/chicken, lots and lots of chilli and bamboo sprouts, we went walking around and I bought everything I could see from the street kitchens. Started with the meal, following with papaya cubes, pork skewers, iced coffee, mysterious deep-fried sesame balls, fish balls, spring roll and wonton eggs with sweet-chillisauce, iced thai style tea, tiny pork balls on a stick with chillisauce and to top it off 2 different thai desserts I haven't eaten since I was a little kid on thai vacation. Pics on almost everything down below. F U C K I N G foodheaven. 

.. then I got a ''Salapao''(mysterious supersoft, white bun filled with pork) and some orange milk at the market close to home. And here I am. We're talking about a timespan on around 5hours of constant eating. Fucking amazing. I know for sure I should never move here; I wouldn't just get incredibly fat, I would go bankrupt due to street food aswell. And my ass would hurt every day since I JUST CAN'T stop assaulting my body with too spicy food. My tummy even hurts after a meal sometimes, but I dont. wanna. cut. the. spices.

Hanged out with my cousin today, so I actually got a lot of pics on myself :D Yatta!

Just came back after 7hours of walking around in BKK. I visited Chinatown and MBK, and probably looked high where I was walking, looking at everything with stoned eyes. Laughing and smiling stupidly at my own thoughts, quite loudly aswell. 

I started by going to the BTS (skytrain) first - how the hell do I do this? It didn't take too long time to understand the system though, and I was away quite instantly. Thank you big sis who explained :) Went went went with the skytrain, came to the central pier and took a taxiboat to Memorial bridge. From there, mopedtaxi: and GOSH I love it. I feel so free somehow, with the wind in my hair and being able to snircle between the cars, waving ''Hi and bye!''. Then, after maybe 10min in the crazy bangkok traffic I arrived at one end of Yaowarat (main road, Chinatown) where I started my walking journey.

I walked and walked and prob looked more stoned than ever. The mission was to find a breakfast-place, and not some kind of a restaurant; a proper thai-style street kitchen with random plastic chairs around. Saw loads of edible stuff, but it didn't click until an hour. There it was: unripe mangosalad with 2 tiny, raw (alive!) crabs, brutally crushed into it with lime, fish sauce and thousands of red chillies. I had went into a back street or whatever - didn't see other than thai faces around. Felt a bit awkward. Felt I somehow belonged there. Felt like I was on fire; those crabs must've burnt in hell since those chillies was SO GODDAMN FUCKING HOT. I never do this, but I have to admit I plucked out all pieces I could find. And my mouth was still on fire.

After a nice, slow and painful meal, I stappled out from the back street, back into the main road of thousands tourists/colours/strange food. Sat down in a real restaurant, outside ofc, for an iced coffee. Got brutally assaulted by the eyes of passing buspassengers (are tattoos really that unusual here?). Got less and negotiated with moped taxi again - I went from Yaowarat-MBK for 130thb. I dunno, I'm still quite unsecure about how low I should get since I still have european standards, but it feels like I'm getting kind of good at it. I can negotiate - not speak fluently though. And I have a pretty face, which, seriously guys, fucking helps if you're polite/nice. Anyways, walked around in MBK shopping center and bought 4 tops, loads of street food and went at last into a Purikurabox (hihi only for you Jakob <3). Then I gladly ate more street food and headed for the BTS back to Sukhumvit headquarter. End of story, start of picbomb of the day:

Well. Here I am, alone, sippin' on a bit whiskey at 5 in the morning while my owlboy is sleeping. Why aren't I beside him? I'm not sure. I've been looking at inspo pictures, and got drawn into full inspiration - both with my drawing art and the tiny bit of modeling I did while I still lived in Sweden. And I miss it so bad! I can't really draw now since I don't have any proper paper, so I went on with just studying photographs instead - which made me completely crazy about it. Distraction backfired heh. I got so many ideas, such desire to stand in front (and behind) the camera, it's driving me mad!! I've been really bad with being creative lately (10months?). I need my camera. I need proper drawing equipment (only the paper now lol. But I'm picky). I need my portfolio. I need those marterial things to even be able to start again at all. But I left those in Sweden lol.

I dunno what I want to express with this post. I just wanted to say hi again I guess. I'm thinking of trying to find a good photographer and have some fun again. I mean, I''m not a top model or such, but hey. I enjoy it. Even though I can feel a bit awkward with a total stranger, in the end; it's nice. It's something with the capturing. I don't know. I just feel.

Let's say hi to some old pictures, for the sake of ol' times:

I just wanted to show you guys my favourite café in Mdina, and why it's my favourite place for a breakfast date. It is a bit of a hassle to go there if you have limited time, but I would say that he bus tour on around 30 minutes doesn't matter; The view from Fontanella café in Mdina is FUCKING gorgeous, and it hits me every single time.

You know how pictures tend to kind of flatten the image in comparison to reality?
Shame that this pic is so small, but... Fuck yeah. Let's go have breakfast guys.

Niklas was here to visit me in Malta for 10 days, and of course we had to visit incredibly beautiful Mdina. It's crazy that we still had suuuch lovely weather in November, still amazed. Of course the winter is approaching even us now, but a little rain from time to time beats freakin -30 celsius degrees any day. Oh my Niklas, must've been horrible to fly back to cold, icy Swedish autumn </3

 

 

The time is half past 5am, and I'm not tired. It seems like I lack the ability to feel sleepy if I'm not in bed, too often not even when. I wonder why. Not only about the sleepyness, I totally lack this feeling of wanting to come home, sit down, relax and just.. take it easy. Not doing anything. I would love that. I would love the ability to be able to just do nothing. But no. Instead, whenever I don't have anything to occupy myself with, I get lost. Confused, sometimes even depressed. Believe it or not, but I guess I'm a too big thinker whenever I don't do something. Me, thinker? Hahahahahahahaha. I'm surprised that I even manage to count to ten really (oh my god, really had to try first haha).

But yeah. I don't even know what point I had with this post. Might aswell be a distraction, at least I'm doing... something. Bah. I'll hand myself in for my thoughts to eat me before I fall in a physically well-needed sleep (like I should've done hours ago). I can't really understand how I can still feel somehow good, working 9-10 hours a day, drinking more or less every day and not sleeping even close to enough. I wake up, all by myself, after 4-5hours of sleep, more and more often lately. 1-2 nights a week; nightmares for no reason. Even lost weight (wait, is that really bad? ehehehe ;D). What the fuck, am I some kind of terminator for not feeling dead tired and all worn out? How can I have this much energy in my body? Am I a duracell bunny? I don't even feel particulary depressed. I just feel like some kind of jellyfish, floating around. And no, I don't really know what I'm talking about right now. Am I drunk? High? Hm... No. But hey, what the fuck's up then? Oh yeah. I'm alone with my head again. Dammit

Oh man, it's embarassing to even whine over such a simple thing that doesn't really matters for someone else. Feels like I got too many voices in my head: I feel like a silly, stupid teen again and again and again, all over, GODDAMNIT STOP IT NOW YOU SILLY ARSE

Time to try out the new top I bought in New Look for the heat here in Malta!

It's cute and awesoooomeeeee ♥

Overall, when I'm not living my life and being happy, I worry much about past things I left

for good in Sweden. Had to move on though, even now. Just gonna take some time I guess.

Ohmygod, Tora arrived to Hällefors today, and it's soon time to move our asses to MALTA!!

Oh hai, I've actually been drawing alot theese... 2-3 last days! : D I've finished a

portrait and one random-drawing that I didn't put too much focus on.. But it turned

out pretty good anyways, It's a gift u see. And yeah, it's some kind of.... me. hrm