Om konsten att vara kar i allt
Men vanta lite, har du inte pojkvan Tanya? Kara lilla du. Det har jag. Men den karleken (ingick fur helvede ett forhallande!!) haller sig kvar istallet for att intensivt dyka upp och lika dramatiskt forsvinna. Det ar det som ar speciellt med min lilla sota Jakob. Min crush for honom ar langvarig, och jag alskar honom av hela mitt hjarta aven under mina knasiga kanslostormar. Crushen ifran Patong tog mig med storm, och kommer antagilgen forsvinna innan jag ens sitter pa flygplanet ikvall. Men det kandes konstigt nog... BRA att bli lite kar pa nytt. Som en liten krydda i vardagen. Jag menar, jag raggar inte runt bara for att jag rakar bli kar i allt jag ser. Jag gick bara omkring och fantiserade som en blyg tonarstjej, som bara en mysig babycat som jag kan gora.
Men jovisst later det hemskt. Kan man verkligen alska en person under tiden man tillfalligt alskar andra? Ar inte definitionen av karlek monogami, man ska bara ha ogonen for varann osv? I min varld, svar nej.
Vi drar ett exempel: Tank er lite som att ha en crush pa en filmstjarna. Man glor pa filmer, bilder, allt personen medverkar i, och blir riktigt betuttad. Sadar att det kanns i magen, men man vet att det aldrig ar ouppnaeligt/anstandigt. Sa dar sitter man och tanker ''Se men inte rora. Kan du, Narma dig inte ens, for du kommer falla handlost och det vill du inte, for det ar da problemen kommer. Karleksangesten. Du har en trygg partner du alskar; Det har ar ett tillfalligt fling din hjarna kryddar livet med, sa titta, fantisera och drom du pa bara. Inga forhoppningar om nagot annat - Njut bara av den otroliga gavan att kunna alska, tillfalligt som langvarigt.''
Formagan att alska ar utan tvekan min storsta lycka i livet. Jag ar kar i mina vanner, kar i livet, kar i omgivningen nar jag promenerar till jobbet och framfor allt annat; Jag ar kar i karleken. Visst ar det javligt angestladdat ibland, men man behover ma riktigt daligt for att uppskatta vissa saker till fullo. Sad but true
Sa, helt enkelt. I love and loved you all
You might think I'm hanging around in Mbk a bit too often. Maybe. I've mostly been hanging around Khao San, MBK and Soi 11 theese last 3 days I've been here. And tomorrow, I'll go on a absolutely spontaneous trip by train to north, Chiang Mai!
7th of feb, Khao San Food Day
Hanged out with my cousin today, so I actually got a lot of pics on myself :D Yatta!
6th of feb, Chinatown
I started by going to the BTS (skytrain) first - how the hell do I do this? It didn't take too long time to understand the system though, and I was away quite instantly. Thank you big sis who explained :) Went went went with the skytrain, came to the central pier and took a taxiboat to Memorial bridge. From there, mopedtaxi: and GOSH I love it. I feel so free somehow, with the wind in my hair and being able to snircle between the cars, waving ''Hi and bye!''. Then, after maybe 10min in the crazy bangkok traffic I arrived at one end of Yaowarat (main road, Chinatown) where I started my walking journey.
I walked and walked and prob looked more stoned than ever. The mission was to find a breakfast-place, and not some kind of a restaurant; a proper thai-style street kitchen with random plastic chairs around. Saw loads of edible stuff, but it didn't click until an hour. There it was: unripe mangosalad with 2 tiny, raw (alive!) crabs, brutally crushed into it with lime, fish sauce and thousands of red chillies. I had went into a back street or whatever - didn't see other than thai faces around. Felt a bit awkward. Felt I somehow belonged there. Felt like I was on fire; those crabs must've burnt in hell since those chillies was SO GODDAMN FUCKING HOT. I never do this, but I have to admit I plucked out all pieces I could find. And my mouth was still on fire.
After a nice, slow and painful meal, I stappled out from the back street, back into the main road of thousands tourists/colours/strange food. Sat down in a real restaurant, outside ofc, for an iced coffee. Got brutally assaulted by the eyes of passing buspassengers (are tattoos really that unusual here?). Got less and negotiated with moped taxi again - I went from Yaowarat-MBK for 130thb. I dunno, I'm still quite unsecure about how low I should get since I still have european standards, but it feels like I'm getting kind of good at it. I can negotiate - not speak fluently though. And I have a pretty face, which, seriously guys, fucking helps if you're polite/nice. Anyways, walked around in MBK shopping center and bought 4 tops, loads of street food and went at last into a Purikurabox (hihi only for you Jakob <3). Then I gladly ate more street food and headed for the BTS back to Sukhumvit headquarter. End of story, start of picbomb of the day:
Too much inspiration. Give me my camera and pens!
I dunno what I want to express with this post. I just wanted to say hi again I guess. I'm thinking of trying to find a good photographer and have some fun again. I mean, I''m not a top model or such, but hey. I enjoy it. Even though I can feel a bit awkward with a total stranger, in the end; it's nice. It's something with the capturing. I don't know. I just feel.
Let's say hi to some old pictures, for the sake of ol' times:
Breakfast place no1
You know how pictures tend to kind of flatten the image in comparison to reality?
Shame that this pic is so small, but... Fuck yeah. Let's go have breakfast guys.
Mdina Medieval town
The silly night-post
The time is half past 5am, and I'm not tired. It seems like I lack the ability to feel sleepy if I'm not in bed, too often not even when. I wonder why. Not only about the sleepyness, I totally lack this feeling of wanting to come home, sit down, relax and just.. take it easy. Not doing anything. I would love that. I would love the ability to be able to just do nothing. But no. Instead, whenever I don't have anything to occupy myself with, I get lost. Confused, sometimes even depressed. Believe it or not, but I guess I'm a too big thinker whenever I don't do something. Me, thinker? Hahahahahahahaha. I'm surprised that I even manage to count to ten really (oh my god, really had to try first haha).
But yeah. I don't even know what point I had with this post. Might aswell be a distraction, at least I'm doing... something. Bah. I'll hand myself in for my thoughts to eat me before I fall in a physically well-needed sleep (like I should've done hours ago). I can't really understand how I can still feel somehow good, working 9-10 hours a day, drinking more or less every day and not sleeping even close to enough. I wake up, all by myself, after 4-5hours of sleep, more and more often lately. 1-2 nights a week; nightmares for no reason. Even lost weight (wait, is that really bad? ehehehe ;D). What the fuck, am I some kind of terminator for not feeling dead tired and all worn out? How can I have this much energy in my body? Am I a duracell bunny? I don't even feel particulary depressed. I just feel like some kind of jellyfish, floating around. And no, I don't really know what I'm talking about right now. Am I drunk? High? Hm... No. But hey, what the fuck's up then? Oh yeah. I'm alone with my head again. Dammit
Oh man, it's embarassing to even whine over such a simple thing that doesn't really matters for someone else. Feels like I got too many voices in my head: I feel like a silly, stupid teen again and again and again, all over, GODDAMNIT STOP IT NOW YOU SILLY ARSE
New top from New look
Still nothing from the creative side, but it feels like it's slowly coming back to me after theese 2 months of absence. Inspiration (depression?) is starting to catch up so it shouldn't be too long time til I find my way back to the pens again.
Elisa von Brockdorff
Had a shoot with Elisa von Brockdorff last week, and she managed to get some nice pics even though my brain and poses flew out from my head. Dunno if I maybe was shy or something but I was reeeaaallly stiff. Didn't really do any fun poses or even near, but well, need those times to don't we?
I can't understand why she choose the last one though... Well, of course it's a nice picture but... wäää I just have something against taking pics from below, especially when the model is laying down. It never turns out well if the model got a double chin as I have :(
For the moment
Oh hai. This blog has kind of died since I left Sweden. I'm just too busy enjoying my life for the moment! Everything is quite messy and unstable now at beginning, but I'm sure it'll all settle down when I start working and get my daily routines in. I still can't believe it sometimes. It still feels like a holiday - but I've actually moved from Sweden to Malta. I'm finally at the beginning of fulfilling my youth-dreams: Travel all around, do stupid things, learn and experience.
Replacing drawing with Malta for a while..
Since I've just been living my first week in Malta I obviously haven't drawn at all. I got a request yesterday though, so I'll have to pick up the pens again soon... Oh yeah, inspiration? Shit's coming when it's coming.
Anyway, here's my selection of the nicest pictures we've been taking this far. I haven't included the beach pics (which is lovely like fucking hell) but I'll uppload them in the future. I heard peeps got minus degrees, snow and cold winds in Sweden, so heheheh..... ENJOY THIS ONE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!
Soon off abroad!
Ohmygod, Tora arrived to Hällefors today, and it's soon time to move our asses to MALTA!!
Randomly self-figuring.. figs
Oh hai, I've actually been drawing alot theese... 2-3 last days! : D I've finished a