calory

The last few months has been more stressful and alcoholic than ever, with double the amounts of worries than usual, piling up on my shoulders. Paying rent for a flat I’m not staying in, the aftermaths of heartbreak, still sharing bed with the ex, not having time to move out in time before the travels, considering a change of career (economical reasons, I’m burning out) but not being able to come to any conclusion whatsoever, running in mental circles, started to date a human who sends mixed signals (I don’t even know if he enjoys my company or not?) and who’s absolutely impossible for me to read, yet I’m so hooked but also is also afraid that I’m probably still too emotionally disturbed to handle this in a good way, but then, won’t I always be? 

Add working 6 days a week on top of that and yes, I was close to hit the wall. I don’t think I’ve ever been this close before. I could feel myself loosing sense of reality. And oh, shouldn’t forget to mention the alcoholism that comes as a coping mechanism aswell.

In any case, I’m in the writing moment on a plane away from Europe. We’ll start easy with a family reunion up north, followed by some normal charter holiday down south with Ruby and the Maltese techno crew. I am slightly worried about my economical situation, but anyway; I can’t wait. I need this. My mind needs to unwind before it implodes in fireworks of manic-depressive fits (which has starting to present themselves the last week).

I’ve never been the warmest person towards my family since I grew up in a foster home, but I really looking forward for this week with them. Some soothe after this close-to-crash-period. Trying to behave like a normal family. Not having to worry about anything else than gaining weight from all of the good food we’re guaranteed to devour. Washing it all down with ice cold Chang from 7eleven ;) 

Being a food champion doesn't neccessarily mean that I eat like a pig every day. Actually, I've got my periods of binge-drinking and no food for days aswell. Guess that's a party-girl's way of compensating haha. Absolutely not saying that it's neither healthy nor intentional, but point is, my intake sure as hell isn't five pizzas a day, every day as some seem to believe.

 

On a regular basis, I would say that my eating is very healthy. Tons of seaweed, ginger, beans and vegetables, a bit of seafood/fish and some carbs on the side (I'm not afraid of carbs, duh). Probably eating waaaaaaay too much fresh chillies and raw garlic. And I don't really drink anything else than green tea, coffee, water and beer. Occasional cocktail.

 

And tequila.

 

Working as a chef means long long hours at work on my feet, which means that I have full control over my intake. There's no time for going out for dinner, so I'm already skipping the heavy takeout meals many have on a regular basis. Add 12+ hours of running around, lifting stuff and voila! It feels okay to not stress over skipping gym.

 

Even though I can (and will) eat anything that's presented to me, there's a few things I really don't like and would avoid if I can;

 

• Jellied stuff
• Melted cheese (cheese tastes better cold, in my opinion)
• Chocolate (Unless it's over 90%. Can't stand the sweet, melty feeling)
• All sorts of candy
• Sweet pastry. Cakes. Sugary stuff
• Pork meat (Yes. That includes bacon) #hatebacon

So, In general, I seem to have pretty healthy preferences anyway. Just by not even liking many of the so called bad foods, it’s not even an effort to stay on a good level of health. I don’t cry for that lost cupcake (anyway, too sweet, ew), but oh my god, give me another five portions of lentil curry!! I do eat a lot. But a lot of healthy food. Guess that’s the difference.

 I feel super lucky to crave what’s good for me instead of the artificial stuff many people seem addicted to. I don’t know how it changed to become this, I do have a history of sweets just 6 years ago, but I absolutely don’t complain :)