calory

I haven't been able to write much at all about the pregnancy so far - I've been so busy with the Christmas stress of December at my new job. That almost broke me, and I haven't had any energy whatsoever to spend any time with my hobbies. It's literally just been work, go home, fall exhaustively into bed and just get stuck there for the rest of the day. Last time I ventured outside the flat for anything else than groceries, was around 2 months ago. I don't mind though. I don't have energy to meet friends either. 

I've been thinking about the timing of all things lately - how I got the new job almost exactly as conception must have happened. Of course I'll be exhausted - but before being quick to blame being tired of work on pregnancy hormones, I'll have to stop you in your tracks. It's so fucking annoying, that as soon as people get to know that you're pregnant, all of your problems suddenly falls under "oh, it's just the hormones talking". As if they're just my imagination making life worse. 

As much as I understand that hormones can make life difficult, I really haven't felt those mood swings people talk about yet. Yes, I've been mentally exhausted from this completely new job with tasks I don't really understand the mechanisms of, but I bet you that if I make a list of what I don't like now, they'll still apply once the pregnancy is over. The issues I'm experiencing with the job is rooted in spirituality, and not just 'something that's annoying that I can learn to live with'. I am part of a modern world that I don't want to live in. I feel like a wild bird in a cage where I don't belong. I am part of the problem now. I can assure you that I'll still want to go back to my simple hippie ways, as soon as I've saved up enough to feel safe. 

However, I won't blame it all on the new job - of course the pregnancy fatigue has played a role in making all of this extra exhausting. The exhaustion is real! And the nausea! Let's talk about the physical aspects of this pregnancy. 

For the first 3 months, it just felt like I had a constant hangover. The sickness was bad; not as bad as I had to vomit, but hard enough to keep it from distracting my focus. Tiniest smells of any kinds of food fat made it even more violent, which is when I also started to develop food aversions. The thought of consuming any kind of meat, butter or oil made my stomach turn. I resorted to fruits and vegetable purées to at least get some nutrients into my poor body. I did my best to cover my protein and fat intake with various vegetarian options, but I'm still not sure if I managed to squeeze in enough. I did my best and that's well enough.

To this day, those food cravings and mood swings people speak about still hasn't shown up. I know I still have 2 trimesters left to discover them at, but other than the nausea, enhanced smells, a small blackhead outbreak, fatigue and food aversions, I don't feel much different at all. Even entering month 4, it even seems like I'm loosing weight rather than getting that baby bump that's supposed to come around now. Oh well. I'm not too worried. Everyone is different. I just didn't know I was this kind of different 😅 

I am grateful for still feeling in physical shape, and I have faith in that my body will tell me in its own pace whenever it needs more specific nutrients, rest, or whatever it could be. As long as I just keep being mindful in eating a wide range of vegetables & proteins, and keep doing small kinds of exercises to stay healthy in body and soul, I'll be perfectly fine. If people can have healthy babies on a diet of French fries, then I am more than sure that my diet covers every building block that my body will need for this. And if not, it'll tell me. 

As I've entered the second trimester, the nausea and fatigue is starting to ease up. I feel better. From what I've read, this is supposed to be the happiest trimester where I'll supposedly have a bit more energy and appetite. Which I'm really looking forward for! Going from being a food champion to not being able to eat anything at all has been pretty depressing. I want to be a glutton again! Food makes me happy. I'm looking forward to discovering that kind of everyday magic again ♡