Feelings

Please note that it's neither my own text, or the original one. It's modified. But it's so true.

With love, you cannot choose.

 

He got me. We got each other. I never thought much about that friendship as it was developing. I just knew our connection was deep and I looked forward to seeing him every day.

 

 Then one day out of nowhere it was if somebody knocked the wind out of me. I realized I had fallen in love with him. I didn’t know how or when it had happened, but I saw it and felt it with so much clarity and intensity that my heart ached. The current situation suffocated me.

 

 This was not a person I could be in a relationship with. I was married to someone else. But we acknowledged we both loved each other and in the time we were in each other’s lives, we gave that love to each other in small ways without ever being in a relationship.

 

 I attended a women’s circle this weekend with a powerful, deeply intuitive and grounded group of women. I shared how I was still learning to receive love from people that I had no intention of getting into a traditional relationship with. I was struggling with it—often pushing them away because I know I can’t give them what they want.

 

 One woman challenged me, asked me if I could look at the container differently. Was it possible that I could give my love to others and receive it without it having to look a certain way? I was uncertain.

 

Isn’t the goal to find someone we can fully commit ourselves to—mind, body and spirit? I may not want to get married again, but I want someone who wants me—all of me. I want someone who wants to be with just me, and nobody else. I was so wrong.

 

 One of my spiritual teachers said to me recently,“You will know what true love is when you can give it to someone, without expecting anything back. It seemed impossible that I could ever give my heart to someone who can’t give theirs back to me. That’s not how it works.

 

 Except it is how it works.

 

 But then I realized I was already giving it. I couldn’t help but not. And I fell into a place of accepting that this is what my heart feels and the most loving thing I can do is to give it to him simply because it’s there.

 

There are men who have done this for me. There are men in my life now who love me. They ask for nothing back. They are brazen enough to tell me that they love me with no shame, no expectations, no withholding of their true feelings. I respect that.

 

Can you do the same for someone else in your life? Can you put aside your ego and your expectations and just say, “I hold a space inside myself that loves you.”? The timing may not be right. The circumstances may not be right. The two of you may not even be right together.

 

But we are allowed to feel love for anybody. That is the beauty of free will and our connectedness with each other. We can love whoever we want. We can receive another person’s love without needing to give it in equal amounts back.

 

It does not have to fit into a box. It does not have to make sense. It does not have to be perfect timing or make promises of a future together.

 

It just has to be authentic. Real love is just that. Authentic. We give it because it feels authentic to us. And we can receive it because somebody simply wants to give it.

 

Today I choose to give my love to people I feel it for. Not because it fits into a box. Or because I may end up in a relationship with them down the line.

 

But because it simply feels right to express what is authentically in my heart

 

 
 

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